Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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