I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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