Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
