Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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