shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
