I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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