today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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