i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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