Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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