Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize