ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
