I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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