A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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