i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
