just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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