In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize