I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
