I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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