super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
