need another drink. this is the easiest way
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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