Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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