break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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