I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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