I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
