If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
