So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
