garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
