Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
