Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
