If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My dick has a subreddit
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs