i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
high people should be assigned attendants
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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