He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
