Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.