If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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