Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
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I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.