hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize