Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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