I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
reminds me of losing my job
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
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We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.