Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
