fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
