she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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