Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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