I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
there is glitter all over my balls
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