Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
