Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
