Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't tell me you're on acid again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
