I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
