note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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