Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
