This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
