How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
