@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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