omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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