wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
