I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
