I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
