so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
