its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
