Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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