Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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