No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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