I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
