Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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