there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
