shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
