i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am available for nakedness
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
