I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
