Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
