i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
