it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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