sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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