You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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