You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
