Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
