literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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