Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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