and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
